You're my little dorito
I wish i was in the wii world.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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