I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
