If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
