12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
