you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
