We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
