i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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