The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
