yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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