I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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