At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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