i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
