Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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