I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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