You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
