There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize