I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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