The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
