last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
