Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize