Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
