he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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