need another drink. this is the easiest way
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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