Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize