hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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