What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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