How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
