i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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