come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
