well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
