Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
