are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
