im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize