Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
