Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
