I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
