i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
