I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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