this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
