Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
