HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
