Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
