and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
