you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
