if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
this hospital has no fireball
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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