you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
