his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
