but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
