I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize