She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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