I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
