That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
