it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
