Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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