TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
