I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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