totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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