You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
