I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
