i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
