so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
